I want to walk on stilts...naked
My cat gives me a boner
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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