OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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