I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
