Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
