I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
