the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
