I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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