They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
