First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
birth control should be required to get into college
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
