I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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