Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
