i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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