What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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