he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
