Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
