I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
