lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
