i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
