never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Boobs speak an international language.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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