People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
