That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
