Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
