people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize