my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
we made out on top of his cat.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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