Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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