One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I fill condoms, not promises.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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