honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
