It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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