I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It's blow job season.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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