Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
