I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
