maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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