I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
