Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
