I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
