I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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