I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
