I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
