I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
