Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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