he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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