I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
