yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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