$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Randomize
