I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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