hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
