I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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