Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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