You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
