im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
