Screwed.edu
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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