yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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