Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
