I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
