there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
