Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
