She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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