just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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